March 30, 2009 has come and gone.... an entire year has slipped away yet the grief hasn't lessened. I read something recently that stuck with me: grieving the loss of a loved one isn't something you can just get over, but something you learn to live with. Along with that statement was this one: people put pressure on those who are grieving to get on with their life... I never knew how true those two statements are until my brother died. I am not able to adequately explain what happened to me when I got the call from my dad saying he was gone, but something definitely changed within me. I could say that a part of myself died when my brother died, but that isn't enough. I could say that a piece of me is still trapped on March 30, 2008, but that isn't enough. I could say that there is a permanent whole in my heart where my brother once resided, but that still isn't enough. There simply are not words to describe what happens when you have spent 27 years of your life being the youngest child of three to wake up one morning and find out that,no, Alison, you were the youngest of three, now the three you were a part of is two. How am I to accept this? How am I to respond? There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is not a time limit on getting over someone. The truth is that you can't get over the death of a loved one, you learn to live with it. My problem is this, how do I learn to live with it? How do I learn to move forward? Do I need to quote and quote move forward? There is no right or wrong way to grieve, does everyone realize this? My question to others is does everyone else realize that there isn't a time limit? Does everyone know that when someone you love dies you can't just get over it? Do people understand that you can't compare the death of a sibling, parent, or child to a distant relative? These are my current and foreseeable dilemmas. An entire year has slipped away and to me it feels like a lifetime of pain has encompassed my heart and soul. I am still grieving. I am still hurting. I still need healing and peace. I still have a desire to gain a sense of resolution over the events that led to my brothers' death. I still have a long road ahead of me... I still grieve, though I may do it in quiet.
1 comment:
Alison, I love you!! I have been thinking of your family for a month or so, praying for you all to have that peace that you so long to have. I think you are right. To get through things, you have to go "through" them and it takes as long as it takes. When I lost my baby in a miscarriage, people also wanted me to just move on, but it took me about 2 years to recover, from the feeling of being out of control, from living in fear of more loss, from my own personal expectations and so much more. Death doesn't bring answers, it is the precursur to all of the great questions. Your brother and Jesus are going to help you find the right answers. My baby helped me. I love you and support you right where you are. Your long time friend, Lisa Fiamingo
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